Do whatever you want just don't hurt anyone
Towards the end of last year I made a brave decision; I spoke to HR about how unhappy someone was making me at work. I was unhappy for a long time, and it took quite a few months of hesitation until I finally genuinely wanted to share what I had been going through. One of the things that upset me most about this person, was how much their behaviour had impacted on me and how little [if at all] they cared about it themselves. It would go through waves; every few months I'd get so upset that I'd feel like I couldn't take it anymore, and then something nice would happen and I'd think 'oh, well, I guess that was the worst of it' or tell myself it won't be so bad after that, but then a few months later something shitty would just happen again. When someone treats you like shit consistently, and you accept the way you're treated, it can normalise the most inappropriate and shocking behaviour. I learned the hard way, because it took me two years [and then some] of accepting someone's hurtful behaviour all because I was scared of the outcome. I was scared I'd speak up and nothing would change, or worse, that I'd speak up and nothing would change and they'd find out it was me and I'd somehow be punished in future for it.
Mistakenly, I felt vulnerable and in too junior a position to speak up and have anyone listen. I confided in a few people about this while it was happening, but it took one particularly persistent and kind senior member of staff to eventually break down the fears I had, and to rationalise my options- the practical Virgo in me decided it was far better to make an 'informed decision' as to my options than not. Maybe it was because I would have preferred to leave my job than speak up, that made that person realise this was more serious than a simple complaint about clashing personalities. But I'm so glad they persevered with me and I'm so glad I spoke up, because even though I'm no longer in my old job [so not directly benefitting from the consequences of my decision] there are a few people still working there that are that bit happier because of what I did.
It strengthened my morals as well- I truly believe you can do whatever the hell you want in your life, as long as you don't hurt other people. I don't care if I don't agree with it or if I don't understand it, as long as you're genuinely not hurting anyone by doing it. And while it's a slow process, I'm also trying to be as conscious of my own actions, words and behaviour to others as I would wish them to be towards me. I only wish I'd spoken up sooner about what I was going through, but I'll take that lesson with me to the next problem :)
The Tee - O Mighty